"We were at the Corn Sisters show at the Tractor," the sad, sad letter began. Now, I didn't have the vaguest clue who these "corn people" were, nor did I give a great hoo-hah. But as the sad, sad author of the sad, sad letter went on to describe the heartbreaking encounter he had with these mysterious sisters of corn, I knew I had to find out. What I uncovered: The Corn Sisters is a two-gal band, composed of Neko Case and some other chick who is irrelevant to this story. Country is Neko's genre of choice, but she dabbles in pop, rockabilly, gospel, and punk. She tells filthy knock-knock jokes, and has gathered a bucket of awards and a respectable following of fans (doubtlessly due in part to her onstage confessions about her penchant for sucking cock. Does this woman ROCK or what?). But as the crushed ex-groupie found out, having fans and deserving them are two different things!The hapless fellow (who's attended Neko's shows religiously, dropped beaucoup bucks on her CDs, and even wrote her a squishy fan letter!) went to the Tractor to catch a glimpse of his idol. But when "mean" and "power-crazed" Neko spotted him, she reportedly went INSANE, and had her "super-humiliated and heart- broken" fan booted into the street! Okay, Neko--fess up! You owe your public an explanation for this surreal and disturbing megalomania! (And confidential to the poor ex-groupie: If you need to talk, I'm here for you... at least ADRIAN appreciates his precious public. Smooooch!)

On the flipside are the scrumptious Radiohead boys, who truly understand the value of groupie-schmoozing. When a twitterpated admirer app- roached the alt-rock smarties at the Adobo Taco Lounge last week, they acted pleased as punch at the display of adulation, shaking the fan's hand and even politely describing Seattle as "lovely"! (See, Neko? That's why Radiohead plays the Gorge and YOU play the Tractor!)

Oh! And guess what? After I poked fun last week at the KISS 106.1 morning show team's colossal oops while interviewing Reese Witherspoon, hosts Jackie and Bender scheduled a call-in interview, surely to paddle my fun-poking fanny on-air. Well, I waited by the phone like a jilted prom date, but those little buggers didn't call! But I'm not fretting. Why? Cuz the 95.7 The Beat (who obviously recognize raw talent when they see it) swooped in and snatched me up--and now yours truly is the brand new regular on-air correspondent on the "Wakin' Up with Bob and CJ" show (plug, plug)! So, neener, neener, Jackie and Bender--ya snooze, ya lose!

celebisawu@thestranger.com