This is gonna be tricky. I mean, one minute we're all languishing under our jaded, oh-so-superior, post- modern "nothing is sacred" malaise, and the next... YOINK! It's all yanked right out from under us and replaced with a paranoid, PC "EVERYTHING is sacred" malaise! It's perfectly understandable--but what the heck am I supposed to do? The fun and frivolity of dirt-dishing seems to be, if not completely inappropriate right now, at least a tad tasteless. And I'm nothing if not the harbinger of good taste. So. Let's reign in those claws, so to speak. Agreed? Okay.So. Now what the hell do I say?

Oh! Let's talk about Dave Matthews! Dave's safe; he's practically a SAINT (benefit concerts, Farm Aid, scholarships; the man is single-handedly saving the whole friggin' PLANET). On August 15, Dave's darlin' wife, Ashley, somehow managed to shoot TWO entire human beings out of her body (oh my GOD!)--and Stella Busian and Grace Anne Matthews were born. The couple (Dave and Ashley, not the twins) is "very proud" and "glowing"! Hooray for Dave, Ashley, and the whole miracle-of-birth thingy! Wooohooo!

Oh! And Layne Staley! Astute readers will recall that no one has heard a peep from the reclusive Alice in Chains lead for ages, and fans have been getting all worked up. Well, an inside source reports that Layne is "doing just fine," and most recently has been busy with Columbia's release of Alice in Chains' Greatest Hits (though their 1999 box set, Nothing Safe, covers basically the same friggin' body of work for less dough--go figure) and their video compilation (featuring a rousing KING 5 documentary!). Layne has also been making frequent visits to Artist & Craftsman Supply in the U-District. Whew, I was beginning to think he'd been kidnapped and sold to horny Japanese businessmen.

Oh! And lastly, let's all give a big "Congratulations!" to the winner of Celebrity I Saw U's "Summer of Star Stalking" contest! "Chick-a-dee," my faithful mole from the Wild Ginger, towered above all others in the quality and quantity of her sightings, racking up several impressive names: Dave Matthews, J.Lo, Helen Hunt... heck, that girl spotted just about EVERYONE. She is now the owner of The Stranger Guide to Seattle (featuring yours truly) and various other marvelous Stranger accou- terments. Congratulations, star-stalking mole, and thanks to everyone who participated!