To the worthless, cowardly, piece-of-shit cop who pepper-sprayed the two women as they sat in their car on Capitol Hill on or around December 1, 1999, and to the other spineless, piece-of-shit cop who kicked that skinny kid in the crotch and shot him point-blank with a rubber bullet as he backed away from you with his hands in the air: I hereby challenge you both to a fight. One-on-one, man-to-man, no badge, no gun, no tactical baton, no pepper spray. No biting or eye-gouging -- submission or knockout ends the fight. You name the time; you name the place -- I'll be there. Let's find out how brave you are without all your protective gear, body armor, weapons, and gas mask that hides your identity like the worthless common criminal you truly are. Think about it, you coward -- you were covered head-to-toe in protective gear and armed to the fucking teeth, but you still had to use pepper spray on unarmed women and a shotbag gun on a retreating 130-pound wuss. Accepting this challenge is the only way you'll be able to look at yourself in the mirror ever again without knowing that you're nothing but a power-tripping, gutless piece of shit hiding behind a badge. Take the challenge, you fucking worthless cowards. If you have the balls to take me up on this -- which I highly doubt, since you're a worthless, gutless coward -- you may contact me through The Stranger.

Dear SPD: We received Mr. M's challenge as a letter to the editor. We contacted him, and he seems quite serious about this. Should you wish to accept his challenge, The Stranger will provide a venue, a referee, and an attending physician. No other persons will be allowed on the premises. As an added incentive, The Stranger will donate $1,000 to the charity of the winner's choice. Call 323-7101 ext. 3014 to schedule.