So you're the bartender at the cavernous new bar at Bastille. What's the ideal bartender–drunkard relationship?

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I'm different things to different people. If someone's having relationship trouble, I try to give the soundest advice I can. If it's a loss in the family, I try to relate it to something that's happened to me. I'm a pragmatic kind of psychologist. If you're getting speeding tickets and hate your landlord, I would recommend you stop speeding and move away from your landlord, you know?

What kind of drunk are you?

The loud kind. You'll hear me before you see me. I'm usually happy unless I'm drinking gin, which tends to make me not such a nice person. When I'm drinking gin, I look for the biggest person in the room and want to fight him.

Are there any drinks you wish you could refuse to make?

I wish I could refuse to make a double Long Island no ice, because you'd have to be a fucking idiot to order that drink.

What's your favorite drink to make?

The sazerac is magical. You have to start with the right amount of bitters on the sugar cube. Then you grind it with a muddler, throw ice on it, toss in your rye whiskey of choice, take a rocks glass with a few cubes, splash a little absinthe in it, give it a nice couple swirls, muck it, strain it in a glass, and serve it with a twist.