A Lemon Drop
The Virginia Inn Tavern
1937 First Ave

I am not a huge fan of the actual taste of alcohol, so when I go out for a drink, it must either taste like candy or look like antifreeze. The prizewinner for me is the lemon drop, a jazzy combination of vodka, triple sec, and lemon juice, topped off with a sugared rim. The Virginia Inn Tavern makes the best lemon drops I have ever tasted; each sip makes me wish my whole face were covered with taste buds. Behold its seductive powers.

What makes you stand out from most other drinks, O Best Beloved with Vodka on Top?

Lemons, which are bled dry for maximum tartness, like your men.

How would you describe your flavor?

I taste like liquid Skittles, lemon, and vodka. It's a combination few women or children can resist. I am the drink that Disney would endorse, if Disney wanted people groping Goofy and vomiting on rides.

What about men?

Like hot, hot abs and the word "dollop," I am nonexistent in the straight man's world. My aim is to appeal to women's delicate aesthetics. Women enjoy the way my sugared rim clings to their dainty lady moustaches like diamonds.

Do you offer any other benefits to sweet-toothed social drinkers?

I reduce their risks of scurvy. And if made right and frequently, I am a boon to the Russian economy.

Interview by Cienna Madrid