What is your favorite restaurant in Seattle?

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My absolute favorite Seattle restaurant is In the Bowl. They serve a dish called "Melting Culture"—soy protein and green curry served in a little bowl surrounded by wedges of Indian roti bread—quite possibly one of the most delicious and inventive things I've come across in this city.

Ever worked in the food industry?

Aside from a temporary job selling honey to diabetics and old women at a flower show, I haven't worked directly in food service.

Have you ever eaten anything that resembled Muhammad? Was it for revenge for your country or because you were hungry?

The closest thing I've eaten that resembled depictions of Muhammad that I've seen would be my partner's pussy. I wasn't really hungry or out for revenge, it was more just to show that I am a giving lover. As an aside, I made a sandwich a few years ago on a rickety old train leaving Sarajevo using a bejeweled Muslim holy knife. It was a really good sandwich.

Follow-up question: Why do you hate religion?

I was born and raised Roman Catholic and went to Catholic school for six years. I wouldn't say I hate religion; I'm just deathly afraid of religious people. Need I explain more?

What Seattle figurehead would you most like to pie in the face? What flavor of delicious pie would you use?

Oh, my god—do I only get one pie? I guess the pie would go to Tim Eyman for being a complete and total fucking dipshit. A pork-and-onion pie would be a great one to hit that horse's ass with.

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If you were smote by Muhammad for your inflammatory pussy comments and reincarnated as my dinner, what would you be?

I'd return as a Hawaiian pupu platter.