So you've worked here for four months, are you ice creamed out yet?

You think you'd get ice creamed out, but that really doesn't happen. It's not the first thing I crave, but I'll still eat it. We actually lose money in the winter because we don't get very many customers, so there's nothing to do but sit around and eat ice cream.

You could do crystal meth in the freezer.

Um, I do homework sometimes. It's a great place to get homework done. And we get free food from everyone around here—we trade them for ice cream—so I stock up on Zeke's [pizza] while I'm working.

What's your favorite ice-cream concoction?

Right now it's this milkshake that I stole from the manager next door. It's got vanilla ice cream, bananas, vanilla wafers, and caramel in it. I made it for him one day and thought it looked disgusting. But I started making it for myself. Today I tried it with cheesecake ice cream instead of vanilla and it was horrible. And that's the most exciting news I've got.

Anything challenging about this job?

I can barely call this a job. We have free food, free wireless from next door—

Free prostitutes from Aurora?

Uh, no. But if I had a laptop, I'd probably just be spacing all the time. Instead, I sit and stare at ingredients. Or fantasize about trading food with the chowder house across the street. I love chowder. Or Pagliacci. God, I wish there was a Pagliacci next door.

Interview by Cienna Madrid