Mango And Tapioca-Ball Smoothie

Ni Sandwich, 216 Broadway E, 324-2184

Wait—are you a smoothie or bubble tea?

Well, if you order me as a whole mango blended with ice, I'm a smoothie, but if you add tapioca balls, which are available upon request, I become a "bubble tea variant."

Variant? I fear the unknown. Can I have regular bubble tea?

Yes, in a variety of flavors, including honeydew, red bean, taro, champagne, durian, and coffee. The flavors are in that row of multicolored, numbered jars on the wall over there that look like something from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

This is so complicated!

It really isn't. You're probably confused because your blood sugar is low. You should order me with a banh mi sandwich. You can get the standard pork or tofu sandwich, or something more adventurous, like ham and eggs or sardines. You can also add an egg to any sandwich for a buck.

You seem very adventurous.

It's the tapioca! If you'd ordered me as a regular smoothie, I'd have suggested you get Red Bull and Doritos, which are sold here as well. I am also feeling particularly confident today because I learned how to become "Sexy in 60 Seconds" from Glamour magazine. There's a stack of them to read while you wait for your food.

Will drinking you make me sexy in 60 seconds?

Considering my large size and the fact that I'm made from blended ice, I'd say drinking me in 60 seconds would be more likely to give you a brain freeze. But you'll look good sipping me.