Rachel Anne Herman
Bagel schmearer at Grateful Bread
7001 35th Ave NE, 525-3166.

I love your bagels. Philosophically, why do you think people enjoy bread with a gaping hole in the middle? Tell me it has something to do with the circle of life.

Well, I think so. Because everything comes full circle. We eat a bagel, we poop, we die, we're born, we eat more bagels.

What ever happened to the Jerry Garcia mannequin that used to sit by the table in the front?

Everyone asks about him. Dude, he's dead; get over it.

Okay. I'm sorry for even bringing it up. Now let's say, theoretically, that Top Pot Doughnuts next door was talking smack about your inferior holed-bread products. Would you guys have a water-balloon fight and settle this once and for all?

No, we'd go bowling.

Bowling?

Bowling. No, really, we're friends with them. I was going to go over there and put Grateful Bread stickers on their massive donut, but Rod (the owner of Grateful Bread) didn't like that idea very much, so I didn't.

Speaking of bad interactions with Rod, one time I put a delicious snickerdoodle in your microwave and the microwave caught on fire. I don't think you were working here at the time, but it's a true story. Rod came running in and the whole restaurant filled with smoke. They had to buy a new microwave and it was all my fault.

How did you make it catch on fire?

It was one of those revolving-platter microwaves, and I put in two plates, and it tried to revolve itself but it couldn't. My snickerdoodle turned black and sparks came flying out. Maybe that's why Grateful Bread never added me as a friend on Facebook.

When I remake the profile, I'll totally add you.

Support The Stranger

Thank you.

Interview by Steven Blum

Sponsored
This Monday: a Collide-O-Scope full of out-of-this-world vids, freaky footage & bizarro film finds!
Love big laughs, super shocks & scintillating surprises? Don't miss this next thrilling installment!