Hey, Up in Smoke Chèvre, if you're an American Cheese Society competition winner as that sticker advertises, why are you packaged in old grocery bags?

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Those are maple leaves from River's Edge Chèvre, in Logsden, Oregon, where I was made. They're smoked over alder and hickory chips.

I'm reluctant to believe that, because you smell like whiskey. Isn't it a little early in the day for that?

I've been spritzed with bourbon. I'm also only $12—ideal for parties. And like the most fun party guests, whiskey doesn't make me lie; it makes me take off my pants.

Is that why you're packaged in maple leaves instead of pants?

Yes, and because leaves don't cover me with lint. If maple isn't in season, I'm packaged in salal leaves.

I don't have time to travel to Oregon to buy you, and if you've been spritzed with bourbon, you probably shouldn't be driving.

I can be found at the Calf & Kid artisan cheese shop, along with a dazzling array of other cheeses, bread from Macrina bakery, crackers, and jams.

I love arrays, especially dazzling ones. How can I learn more about cheese?

Sheri LaVigne, the owner of the Calf & Kid, teaches a monthly "Cheese 101." You'll learn about cheese history, milk types, and aging processes, and you sample 14 cheeses! You can become a "curd nerd" in no time. recommended