Yes, It Is Scary, BUT!

So all your life, you've secretly wanted to have sex with someone with the same private parts as you. It's this really big secret that you've spent years hiding (not easy—good job!). You're religious, or your parents are religious, or your best friend has a thing against gay people, or you're not wild about the gay characters you've seen on TV, or you're from a military family, or you just have the very common desire to be "normal" and the idea of other people talking about how you're "different" makes you want to die.

That feeling that you have in your chest is your heart telling you that it's time to come clean, but your head is trying to stop that from happening, because what if... [insert horrible thing that someone could say or do to you]. That thing you're trying to stop from happening is called coming out, and it's super- important, for at least three reasons:

1. Being gay is not something you can change. It's not something you chose. It's like being blue-eyed. You can pretend to have different-colored eyes with weird colored contact lenses, but weird colored contact lenses don't fool anyone. And the sooner you get over trying to fool people, the sooner you can start to have a happy life.

2. People who are "against" gay people are fucking idiots, and they are often secretly gay (or curious about experimenting) themselves—in other words, hypocrites—and the last thing you should be doing is molding your life to make idiots and/or hypocrites happy. Idiots and hypocrites may try to convince you that being gay is "wrong" or "disgusting" or means you'll "burn in hell forever," but a lot of those people are undereducated religious loons who believe evolution is a sham and dinosaurs are a liberal conspiracy. You should relish the chance to flip these morons the finger.

3. Statistically, the people most scared of gay people are the people who don't know any gay people. The more these people realize their neighbors, brothers, moms, roommates, cousins, nieces, coworkers, veterinarians, and mailmen are gay, the less scared they'll be. By coming out, you're doing a great favor to all the other gay people out there who don't fit the stereotype either. Keeping quiet only helps the assholes who want to stereotype and marginalize gay people because it serves their own twisted purposes. Don't let them get away with it.

Other People's Reactions, and How to React to Them

You might want to do it while driving. After all, if you're reading this, it probably means you haven't come out yet, and if you haven't come out yet, it probably means you're having a hard time imagining looking into someone's eyes and saying, "I'm gay," and the great advantage of doing it while driving is that you have to keep your eyes on the road.

Or the other person does, if they're driving.

And then it's out there.

You're done.

You don't have to do anything else.

The other person's response is their business, and it will depend entirely on them. If you are coming out to your mother and she is religious and quaint and easily fooled, she might be floored, might be hysterical, and may even start to hyperventilate. She may demand that you pull the car over and let her drive, even though you're on the freeway (true story). Since hyperventilation and the safe stewardship of a moving vehicle are incompatible, you are fully in the right to deny her request, and by the time you are off the freeway she will have collected herself.

Your friends, if they are good people, will say, "I'm so glad you told me. I just want you to be happy."

If your friends are of the slightly annoying variety, they will say, "Why'd it take you so long?" or "I knew before you did." Don't be offended—this friend of yours is just trying to get over the offense of not being trusted with this information sooner.

Here's what you don't realize: No one worth your time actually gives a flying fuck. It seems like they do, but they don't. They don't care if you're gay, they don't care if you're bisexual, they don't care if you're straight. They care if you're being dishonest with yourself and the people around you. Telling the truth will make you feel so much better, and you will gain surprising insight into who your real friends and family are. There is no way of knowing how people will respond. The good people, the morally superior people, the ones whose opinion you should care about—they're gonna be fine with it.

Now you can get to the fun part!

How to Have Sex with a Man if You're a Man

A man puts his penis in another man and gay sex is born. But seriously: Many gay men never have anal sex, preferring instead to stick to making out, stroking each other's dicks, and oral sex. You should do likewise at first with any new partner you have. Making out with someone while stroking each other's dicks is safe and intimate and fun. Once you feel like you can trust someone, you've asked about their sexual history, you've asked if they have any STIs (if anything looks iffy, don't go there), you can graduate to doing more.

How to have oral sex: The general idea is to put your hand around the dick, cover the head with your mouth, and move your hand and mouth up and down together. Tell him to let you know before he comes, or you might get a mouthful. If you want a mouthful, tell him that, too, but keep in mind that HIV is transmitted through semen, so if you have any cuts or canker sores, you're putting yourself at risk.

How to have anal sex: When you're ready for anal sex—never have anal sex on a first date—you're going to need a condom, a lot of lube, and a lot of time. You don't want to rush it. Terminology lesson: The guy doing the fucking is the "top" and the guy getting fucked is the "bottom," no matter what position you do it in. The top will need to use his fingers to get the bottom excited and warmed up. One finger at first, then two fingers... then check in with the bottom and see if he's ready for your dick. Then roll on a condom, cover it in lube, cover the hole in still more lube, and go slowly. The bottom will be in pain until his muscles learn to relax and accept the sensation. It will take time. And still more lube.

How to Have Sex with a Woman if You're a Woman

I'm no expert, but you're going to be doing a lot of licking, and putting your fingers in certain places. And strap-ons are nice.