Not long ago, Kevin Kline visited me in a dream. In the dream, Dream Kline, wearing a dapper gray suit and mauve bow tie, was extremely worked up. "Are you KIDDING me?!" shouted Dream Kline. "You are bullshit. Dave is so much better than The American President. Have you seen Michael Douglas's ghoul face?" Then Dream Kline turned into my childhood cat, and it got weird because we were holding hands and kind of in Russia but also kind of at Safeway.

The point is, the dream got me thinking about movie presidents: specifically, comedic movie presidents from the mid-'90s. And, with the inauguration of Super Dreamboat Secret Muslim in Chief this week, I thought I'd take a look back and cast my vote.

Dave (1993)

Dave is obviously a classic—and I'm not just saying that because Dream Kline threatened to cut my face. Kevin Kline plays a dude who looks exactly like the president, also played by Kevin Kline (PRO). So when the asshole president goes into a coma, what do they do? Call that random guy who looks like the president! (Obviously.) Then he fixes the entire country armed only with his folksy wisdom (CON). But it's actually totally charming! (PRO!) Remember when he once caught a fish thiiiiis biiiiig? Remember when he makes Sigourney Weaver fall in lurve with him all over again for the first time? PRO.

The American President (1995)

Yes, Michael Douglas is a truly bizarre-looking human (CON); yes, this movie is on TBS every other day so you've basically absorbed it into your DNA; yes, Rob Reiner also directed The Bucket List. But Martin Sheen! M. J. Fox! Presidential roooomance! That's just good entertainment. PRO.

My Fellow Americans (1996)

This is the wild card. Have you ever had to go into a video store and say the sentence, "Excuse me, what's that movie where James Garner and Jack Lemmon are ex-presidents who go on a road trip?" It is humiliating. CON. In the PRO column, everything James Garner says is hilarious. He calls Jack Lemmon a pussy for drinking decaf! And remember when he's all, "If I have to listen to you bitch, don't be surprised when I beat you to death with my shoe"? Amazing! And then there's, "Hail to the chief/if you don't, I'll have to kill you/I am the chief/so you better watch your step/you bastards." (PRO, PRO, PRO.) However, it being 1996, the "Macarena" features prominently on the soundtrack (CON). But then, at the end, Jack Lemmon stabs Ed from Twin Peaks with a sword and they escape on horseback! PRO!

I would vote for any of these movie presidents. But just to be safe, I vote for Dave. You win, Dream Kline. Just please leave my face alone. I need it to live. recommended