"Well, no, we aren't, actually," I replied.
"But you have sex with other people," she insisted.
That's correct--but it doesn't make us swingers. What my lover and I are is polyamorous. Whole different thing.
Swinging is about no-strings sex. I'm not dissing casual sex; I've certainly had lots of it in the past. But polyamory translates as "many loves," and thus being polyamorous (poly, for short) means that you are open to pursuing intimate and ongoing relationships with more than one person at a time.
There are many ways to be poly. My partner and I have a primary, live-together relationship with each other, and secondary relationships with other people. We both know all about each other's secondary relationships. It would be hard not to--other people frequently stay overnight at our house. (There is a reason we have a king-sized bed.) But regardless of sleeping arrangements, responsible polyamory requires that you be honest and clear with everyone involved.
I've liked his other partners, and he's liked mine. It isn't uncommon for any three of us to have dinner or go to a party together. But it's rare for us to have sex together as a threesome.
Some poly terminology:
· Primary/secondary--One's main partner versus part-time, less committed relationships.
· Triad--A committed three-way relationship.
· A "V" relationship--One central person having two partners, who are not involved with one another.
· Polyfidelity--A group of people who have sexual activity only within their group, and not with outside partners; sometimes called a group marriage.
If you're interested in learning more about polyamory, visit www.polyamory.org or www.lovingmore.com. I also recommend the book The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt.
