Recently someone wrote to me to say, "I don't like pain, but I want to explore kinky role-play and psychological SM. What activities would you recommend?" Now, I get asked this question frequently, and usually I throw it right back at the person, telling them to think about what really makes them horny, and proceed from there. However, I understand wanting to shop the options, so here are some nasty ideas to start you thinking.

· Age-play: Fantasy role-play for two (or more) adult partners--one partner plays the role of the adult, and the other the role of the child. Sometimes the "adult" partner pretends to be a parent, sometimes a teacher or babysitter. The "child" can be anything from a bratty three-year-old to a teenage cheerleader or horny newspaper boy. One or both partners might also switch genders for the role-play. (A related kink is infantilism, or adult baby play--adults getting erotic pleasure from wearing diapers, drinking from bottles, and generally acting like babies.)

· Animal training: Fantasy role-play in which one partner is an animal and the other is an animal trainer. Pony-play and dog-play are the two most popular forms, but I've also seen cats, lions, and pigs. A typical fantasy might include obedience training, paper training, in the case of a dog, or harness training for a pony. This kink has a serious following, and there are clubs and events devoted exclusively to the human-pet fetish.

· Forced feminization: A subset of crossdressing for erotic pleasure, this is a role-play in which a male submissive is "forced" to dress up in women's clothes, and sometimes a wig and makeup as well. It's understood that even though the submissive has consented, they protest and pretend to resist. Erotic humiliation is the goal.

· Foot worship: Licking, kissing, and sucking someone's bare feet. This is also called "oral service." A related kink is high-heel worship or boot worship.

· Golden showers: Also called GS, piss-play, or watersports. This means to piss on your partner, or get pissed on. Some people also want to take piss into their mouths, others don't. Consider your safer-sex needs and negotiate accordingly. If you'd like to read more kinky-sex definitions, try the Deviant's Dictionary (www.queernet.org/deviant/).

matisse@thestranger.com