Some sex news you may have missed over the past 12 months.

January: Then Paris Hilton will surely ascend straight to heaven. A Christian nudist colony is slated to open near Tampa, Florida: "Because the Bible very clearly states that when Adam and Eve were in right with God, they were naked," said project spokesperson Bill Martin.

February: A case of the cure being worse than the disease? A Davenport, Iowa man accused of exposing himself to a female postal worker and some female neighbors defended himself by saying that his penis wasn't big enough to have been seen by the victims at the distance at which they were standing. His wife agreed. However, a jury wasn't buying it.

March: This boy will grow up to become a client of mine. According to a Florida Department of Children and Families report, a Montessori teacher admitted that she punished a male student by making him put on a dress. Her reason for the forced feminization of the 5-year-old boy? She said he was "being unruly."

April: Or, maybe he'll be a politician. Texas Republican Sam Walls was outed as a cross-dresser when photos of him in women's clothing were published in a local paper. Walls, 64, was running for the Texas Legislature when the story broke, and his supporters protested, saying Walls had "always been a gentleman."

May: I'm seeing a reality TV show with Ivana Trump… German Social Democrats want to fine companies that don't hire one apprentice for every 15 workers--including the country's legalized brothels.

June: It's all that training he has to do. The historic Nevada brothel, the Chicken Ranch, went up for sale this month. Asking price: seven million dollars. The current owner states, "I'm just working a little more at it than I want to."

July: You're supposed to just close your eyes and think of England. Media watchdogs in the UK received over 200 complaints about a Trojan Condoms TV ad that showed the face of a woman (supposedly) having an orgasm. Some of those who complained said they felt that "they thought it was irresponsible to connect the product with enjoyment of sex."

August: For two million more, he could have helped a whole ranch. Kalispell, Montana natives were stunned when resident Richard A. Dasen Sr. was arrested and charged with rape and promoting prostitution, and shocked when City Attorney Charles Harball estimated that Dasen spent at least $5 million dollars on prostitutes over a number of years. A respected businessman who was known for his support of conservative Christian causes, Dasen characterized his for-pay sexual activities with young women as "helping."

September: They just want to help, too. The Federal Communications Commission announced that CBS-owned TV stations must pay a $550,000 fine for showing Janet Jackson's breast.

October: How much if it's just a wooden breast? Makers of Team America: World Police are forced to alter a scene from their all-marionette movie, in which puppets simulate sex, to meet MPAA guidelines for an R rating. "We blow Janeane Garofalo's head off, [but for the MPAA] it's all about the positions of the dolls having sex," director Trey Parker said. "It's not funny--it's tragic."

November: He's been watching British television. An Illinois Department of Public Health program that provides free condoms, some of which are flavored or brightly colored, has sparked criticism. "It bothers me when we're contracting for flavored condoms," said Republican state Sen. Steve Rauschenberger. "…it seems to border on enticement. If we're buying condoms, I'd expect us to buy army green, utilitarian, low-priced condoms…"

December: This required a PhD? Professor David Schkade of the University of California, San Diego and his research team studied more than 900 women and found that women like sex more than housework or dealing with children.

matisse@thestranger.com