People absolutely get to create their kink however they like it. Having acknowledged that, however, I feel that a small dose of reality needs to be injected into my community. So, guys, at the risk of being a party pooper, we really have to talk about this kimono thing.
You see, in the last few years, complex rope bondage has become hip in the American BDSM world. Such ropework is popular and prevalent in Japanese porn, and the American bondage scene has definitely been inspired and influenced by Japanese images.
That's all good so far. But the unfortunate side effect is the influx of what I call "the kimono boys." They're American white guys who call themselves "authentic Japanese rope masters." (Interestingly, I've never met a woman who made this claim.) These rope masters say they have studied "the traditional Japanese way of the rope"—although most of them have never actually visited Japan. But their conversation is strewn with Japanese words, and they often give themselves the title "Nawashi," which they say means "rope bondage artist." And, yeah, they often show up at fetish events wearing kimonos.
I tend to be skeptical about white people claiming to be privy to the intimate traditions of nonwhite cultures, especially when the only tangible evidence of that looks very much like a polyester bathrobe I saw on sale at Pier 1. White people have a long tradition of co-opting other cultures' dress and manners to the point of absurdity, and when I meet a neo-nawashi type, he usually reminds me more of Vanilla Ice than Ken Watanabe.
Still, maybe I'm being too harsh, I thought. So I decided to consult an expert—Fetish Diva Midori, who is not only the author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, but who actually is Japanese and grew up in Japan.
"First of all, is there an ancient tradition of erotic rope bondage in Japan?" I asked.
"I wouldn't call it ancient," Midori told me. "The kind of rope bondage we're doing was popularized by the Japanese porn industry, which came into full bloom in the 1960s. And the word 'nawashi' means 'one who works with rope.' It definitely implies someone who's doing it for money, in the porn industry. A sex worker, basically. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's not a high-status title."
"Is it possible for a white American guy to be an authentic Japanese rope master?"
Midori paused and then answered slowly. "I think you can be a scholar of another culture, you can appreciate it. But there's a difference between a scholar and a fetishist. A scholar studies a culture in a three-dimensional way, but a fetishist selects certain things that appeal to him and creates a fantasy idea of what the culture is. I think there's a lot of fetishizing of Japanese culture going on in certain circles."
"What do you think about white guys wearing kimonos at fetish events?"
"I think without an obi—and they usually don't wear one—they look like they're on the way to the bathhouse."
We speculated about what might make someone invent a richer history for a kink activity than really exists. "I think if someone feels some sexual shame about what he's doing, he might attempt to legitimize it," said Midori. "For some people, it's easier to feel okay about being kinky if you tell yourself that you're participating in some ancient honorable ritual, instead of tying people up just because it's hot and you get off on it."
Midori is right—appreciation is one thing, but using a foreign culture to rationalize your kink is another. So, kimono boys, if you want to wear a silk robe just because you like the way it looks, I think that's fine. But if you're wearing it because you think it makes you more than you are, or because it makes your kink different and better than other people's, I'd say you're missing more than just an obi.
THURSDAY 2/16
JACK OFF PARTY
Rain City Jacks is a private, men-only JO club that’s alcohol-, smoke-, and attitude-free. Raincityjacks.org or rc@raincityjacks.org, 6:30–9:30 pm, membership required.
FRIDAY 2/17
99 WAYS TO PLEASE THE YONI
Sex educator and tantric teacher Lizz Randall shares many effective techniques for pleasing a woman sexually. School of One, 523-5544 or www.schoolofone.com, 8–10 pm, $20 donation requested.
ORAL SEX WORKSHOP AT REDMOND RANCH
Hot tips, live demos, and audience participation for both genders. Single men must RSVP for the waiting list. www.redmond-ranch.com or 425-868-8169, doors at 7 pm, $45 for couples/$25 for single women.
SATURDAY 2/18
BEYOND TWISTED: KINK OUTSIDE THE BOX
A class for those who don’t quite t into the standard BDSM boxes—Fetish Diva Midori expands the idea of what kink roles are all about. Wet Spot, 3–5:30 pm, $20, membership not required.
KISSING SCHOOL
Kissing School is a safe, playful way to explore tantra and experience the kiss sublime. No previous experience necessary. 10:30 am–5 pm, $325 per couple, preregistration required at www.kissingschool.com.
SUNDAY 2/19
STRIP-O-RAMA AND BANG FOR THE BUCK PARTY
A women’s strip show and sex party at the Wet Spot, bene ting Lifelong AIDS Alliance. Amateur strippers needed! $5–$10 for Strip-O-Rama only, 8–10 pm; $15–$20 for Bang Party only, 10 pm–2 am; $20–$25 for both. Female ID required. Wet Spot membership not required, but nonmembers must RSVP to midoriparty@wetspot.org or www.bang4thebuck.org.
MONDAY 2/20
SEA OTTER PUP VIEWING
Come see the newest addition to the Seattle Aquarium: a furry boy sea otter pup. Attention leathermen: This is an actual sea otter pup, not the thin-but-hairy male homosexual archetype. Which doesn’t mean this otter doesn’t want your love. Seattle Aquarium, 1483 Alaskan Way, 386-4320, 10 am–6 pm, $5–$12.
