You know what my problem with Anthony Weiner is? He didn't just go full monty. All those coy pictures of his boxer briefs and his demurely toweled torso? Yawn. This is symptomatic of what's wrong with the Democrats as a party. Even their sex scandals are wimpy and tentative. Democrats promised to give me hot affordable-health-care action all night long, so I got into bed with them. Now I've spent two years wondering: Is it in yet?
The double entendres write themselves here, but seriously: Our expectations about consensual adult sexual behavior are antiquated and unrealistic. Biologically, Weiner—and any other high-profile guy caught with his pants down—is acting exactly as I'd expect him to act. I'm not saying every male action is prompted by hopes of getting laid. But Weiner has shown us, by running for office, that he is a man who wants power and attention. That desire rarely stops at the belt line. Digital flirtation is the tamest form of sexual showboating. Expecting a cock of the walk to refrain from it is like leaving a hungry person with a bowl full of M&Ms and expecting them not to take even one.
Still, politicians know the rules when they get into the game. If you live by the sword, you die by the sword. I just wish the Dems would work on their swordsmanship. When right-wing guys put their dicks where they shouldn't, at least they put them in deep. Arnold Schwarzenegger certainly did. South Carolina governor Mark Sanford ran off to Argentina to be with the woman he called his "soul mate." I don't like their politics, but conservatives do screw their courage to the sticking place. With liberals, you get... sexting. It's so typical. Lots of pixely promises, but nothing you can grab ahold of.
Red-state boys don't pull out once they're in, either. One of their guys takes a "wide stance" in a public restroom? "He's a good man who made an unfortunate error, and we all support him and his family in this difficult time." But let a Democrat get caught naked with a bowl of Jell-O, and his own party will hound him into resigning faster than you can say "hand-wringing prudes." I'm not saying Weiner is a saint—he's a politician. He broke the rules, and he panicked and lied when he was caught. But it's not as though he killed his father and married his mother. If Huma Abedin is angry with her husband, she can oust him from conjugal office. But Weiner isn't married to Nancy Pelosi, so she should have stayed out of it.
Politics is full of second chances, though, and I imagine Mr. Weiner will get one. Here's a deal for you, Anthony—next time, e-mail me a dick pic. I'll tell you how hot you are, and then I'll delete it. You? Zip your pants back up and get me better health care.