Some of my best ideas come while I'm at the urinal—there's something to be said for piss-stream of consciousness.

JAN 31, 11:15 PM

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FEB 1, 4:58 PM

DeVotchKa, I am your mortal enemy.

FEB 2, 11:19 am

If urination were an Olympic sport, I'd be showered with gold medals.

FEB 3, 8:46 am

If you say you have "the gift of gab," you should probably return it for a refund.

FEB 3, 3:04 PM

Snuff out the urge to relate your dreams to others.

FEB 4, 10:12 am

When's the last time you talked about Foghat?

FEB 4, 7:24 PM

Why do you never hear free jazz blasting out of motor vehicles?

FEB 4, 7:28 PM

Reading the phrase "paradigm shift" always makes me exceptionally horny.

FEB 5, 3:36 PM

Dick Hyman's "The Minotaur" alone justifies the existence of the Moog synthesizer.

FEB 5, 7:59 PM

A grown-ass man wearing shorts in the Seattle winter broadcasts that he's quite all right with celibacy.

FEB 6, 12:20 PM

Who is Michael Gira's favorite comedian?

FEB 6, 8:44 PM

Transitioned from Swans' Soundtracks for the Blind to J. J. Cale's Troubadour. JARRING.

FEB 6, 9:12 PM

There was a weekend in the early '80s when I was certain that Shoes were the best band in the world.

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FEB 8, 11:03 PM

Want to thank the Strokes for continuing to make it easy for me not to care about them.

FEB 9, 10:00 PM

Rumor has it that some people don't think virtuoso jazz musicians flamboyantly playing funk is the best thing in the universe.

FEB 10, 1:45 am

You sure got a lot less interesting since I stopped drinking.

FEB 13, 2:58 AM

I'd watch the Grammys if it just consisted of everyone in the room doing mountains of coke and fucking one another.

FEB 13, 6:58 PM

Follow Dave Segal's tweets at twitter.com/editaurus.