Send your unsigned legible confessions and accusations of 400 words or less, changing the names of the innocent and guilty, to "I, Anonymous," c/o The Stranger, 1535 11th Ave., Third Floor, Seattle WA 98122, or e-mail us at anonymous@thestranger.com.

I work on the 52nd floor of a building downtown, in an office decorated better than any of your homes. What I make in a year, most of you will never see in your lives. My house is bigger than your apartment complex, and my father's house was bigger than your high school. As all your rents rise, my mortgage goes down -- that's because we run things.

But here's the problem: When my errand boy informed me that the tabs on his piece of shit car are only $47 a year, I was outraged. My tabs for my pre-release 2000 Mercedes Benz sports car are nearly $4,000. Something had to be done, so I, along with several of my associates, drafted I-695. This bill states that all vehicle registrations will cost no more than $30. Isn't that great?! Here's the best part. The lost revenue will come from... get this... public transportation! Fewer routes and higher fares. You'll get on the bus one day and rates will have doubled. You'll spit and curse, but don't get mad at me! You'll have done it to yourself.

"You'll never get away with it!" I hear you scream. But wait! It only gets better. You, the common voter, have to approve I-695, and you will -- simply by not voting. So go on... complain and whine... you'll still lose. By refusing to vote, you make it nice and easy to keep the scales tipped in my favor. But isn't saving a few bucks on car tabs worth it? So, goodbye for now. Perhaps I'll be seeing you at the club, and if your service is good? Maybe I'll even tip.

-- Anonymous