by Jason Pagano

Friday 12/17

MILLENNIUM SHOE? -- ARO.space, that sleek and stylish dance club, has decided that the best way to get in step with the millennium is to allow Puma to adopt its logo and create a limited-edition tennis shoe. You can view this shoe at www.arospace.com -- but if you want to buy, you'd better hurry. Only 200 pairs are available. Is this the future?

Saturday 12/18

CREATE-A-RITUAL -- Today marks the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year and a perfect time to start that new religion you've been tinkering with lately. Your place, any time, use matches with caution.

HOLIDAY ZOOBILEE -- Attention Parents: If overuse of the old "coal-in-the-stocking" threat has weakened its pre-Christmas behavioral influence, then here's all the extra oomph you need. Skip the zoo-themed pictures with Santa and head straight for Holidoo, "the zoo's sweet-smelling compost." Available in 2-gallon bags, or 4-gallon buckets for the real bastards. Woodland Park Zoo, 5500 Phinney Ave N, 9:30 am-3 pm.

SANTA CRUISE -- While on board, it is promised that Santa will spread joy and then pass out!... presents to the children. Departs Kirkland City Dock at 1 pm, $16 per adult, $8 per child (ages 5-12), 206-623-1445.

Sunday 12/19

SQUARE DANCING HOLIDAY JAMBOREE -- Part of the ongoing KING 5 Winterfest. Make like KING 5 anchor Jim Forman and take your partner by the hand, then swing 'em 'round while you listen to the band! Swing your partner to and fro, then left-side-pass and do-si-do! Now grab your partner by the shirt, then demonstrate what an aggressive jackass you are when your news van is not allowed into a parking lot! Yee-hah! Seattle Center, 4-7 pm, free.


NINE DAYS LEFT -- Just a friendly reminder that only nine short days remain between you and your possible untimely demise. Why are you reading this when clearly you should be either hoarding provisions or engaging in a Mötley Crüe-esque bacchanal? Get movin'!

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