by Jason Pagano
U.S. WEST HOLIDAY CAROUSEL -- "Carousel lore has it that Dwight Eisenhower actually helped create the 36 original hand-carved wooden horses while working in the Parker factory." In fact, it's true... except that it's Dwight "Six-Pack" Eisenhower of Akron, Ohio, the illegitimate son of a circus clown and the sheriff's daughter. Sadly, nobody understood their love. Westlake Park, between Fourth and Fifth on Pine; today, 10 am-6 pm; through Dec 30, Mon-Sat 10 am-10 pm, Sun 10 am-8 pm; Dec 31, 10 am-6 pm; free.
FOOTBALL -- Are you ready for some football?! It's the Seahawks vs. the Chiefs! We're gonna kick some serious Chief ass! Yeah! We've been lookin' pretty good on offense lately, we've been running the ball... well, the Seahawks, I mean... I'm pretty out of shape and I don't actually play a role in the outcome of the game, but you know, I do own an official jersey... yeah! Go Seahawks! Whooo! Kingdome, 1:05 pm, prices vary.
TEDDY BEAR SUITE -- Come visit the Teddy Bear family in their special suite at the Four Seasons Olympic Hotel. Then, return home to your feculent apartment, prepare your nightly feast of Top Ramen and white bread, and weep as you curse Mr. and Mrs. Teddy Bear and their lavish four-star accommodations. Damn the injustice of it all. 411 University St, 9 am-7 pm, through Dec 31, donations accepted.