Hal's last name is Chojnacki—pronounced "why-not-ski." He's in my aunt Roach's kitchen wearing that same bow tie we used in the Strangercrombie photo shoot. It's Christmas Day. He's my babydaddy—100 percent positive, Maury.

Hal says, "It's not Wojtowcz, Gapczynski, Przybyla, or Niedzweicki—it's WHYNOTSKI." Hal will receive one DOTW T-shirt. God, I love Michigan.