Have you ever traveled 2,191 miles to go to a wedding that had 36 pounds of potato salad, 29 cases of Miller Lite in cans, six Weber grills, four NASCAR flags, two cases of strawberry Boone's Farm "wine," one karaoke machine, 200 Jell-O shots made with several bottles of 190-proof Everclear, 15 pairs of plastic hillbilly teeth, one cousin who while dancing in a bucket accidentally kicked a beach ball hitting the bride square in the face... AND your mother, who when the party got slow decided to empty all the potato chips from a paper bag so that she could draw a face on it and wear it on her head to chase around the groom and then tell a bunch of unrepeatable Michael Jackson jokes? Have you ever done this? Me, neither!

Mom says, "There are only two things in this world that smell like fish. And one of 'em's fish." God, I love Northern Michigan.