Santa-John and the Make-Out Twins
Who has two thumbs and LOVES playing Santa? That's right, THIS guy. Santa looked pretty f-ing bored at the Three Imaginary Girls Holiday Party, so we went and found the two drunkest girls in the place and planted them squarely on his lap for a picture. We had no idea he would get so completely and thoroughly molested. In fact, we're pretty sure we couldn't have bought him a better lap dance at Dejá Vu.

Merry Christmas Santa (and don't say we never gave YOU anything!) As Drunks of the Week, the Make-Out Twins will receive matching T-shirts and our solemn promise NOT to sell their red-hot make-out photos on the Internet. KELLY O