Nice guy Jack Valko spent a pretty penny on the opportunity to be Drunk of the Week. But when we showed up, it was immediately apparent that ol' Jackie was just entirely too sober. Charity, or no charity, we don't take pictures of sober people. No way, José. Then, as if on cue, Monkey Boy and Wig Man magically appeared, air-guitaring their way into the Rickshaw and inciting a tiny riot.

The Wig Man says, "I have a kegerator at my house, but we took a cab here." Both will receive $10 and DOTW T-shirts. And God bless the Rickshaw, the wait staff there has the patience of saints. KELLY O