What happens when you take a guy from Coal City Illinois; a girl from Cleveland, Ohio; a boy from Yankton, South Dakota; and ME, an Alpena, Michigan (up North, eh?) hilljack to a bar that has a full menu of Midwest beer? A drinking contest, duh. Well, not just any contest—a blind taste test. Can you guess which one of us best knew the difference between Leinies, Blatz, Hamm's, Grain Belt, and Schell? Mike from Coal City Illinois got ZERO right. He says "I love the way this bologna and white bread is sticking to the roof of my mouth." Cleveland Ohio got ZERO right as well. She says, "Why isn't that bologna fried?" Yankton, South Dakota got ONE out of FOUR correct, and stated, "Hamm's tastes like a mosquito bite." Alpena, Michigan, that's me, got THREE out of FIVE correct, confusing Blatz and Leinies, and not recognizing the Grain Belt at all. Hot hottie waitress Sara presented me with a Minnesota Martini, and I had to wonder, "Should I be proud or embarrassed?" Everyone should go check out new neat Zayda Buddy's Pizza in Ballard. Try the tater tot casserole, the french fries and gravy, and the Klement's bologna sandwich. Order the coney dog mustard too. How do you spell "homesick"?