Wasn't sure what I'd see at Dickslap—a dance-protest night at the Seattle Eagle (the Eagle was recently fined $500 by the Washington State Liquor Control Board for "lewd conduct" because a Guys Gone Wild video was playing inside the bar—much to the disgay, I mean DISMAY, of an undercover WSLCB officer). I expected to see some hot guys in, I dunno, tight Speedos... maybe some go-go dancers. Instead, I walked in just in time to see a woman named Lisa Dank give a DJ named Nark some sort of face bath with a sticky creamlike substance. I asked Lisa why she had such a large penis. She asked me why I didn't have a penis. All I could think was it takes a lot of balls to show up at a protest with a penis.