This poor guy. I almost did it again. About two years ago, I met DJ “El Hair Ranchero” at Chop Suey. I told him that he would make a PERFECT Drunk of the Week. I watched him toss back a baker's dozen of shots in hopes of becoming MORE PERFECT. I told him I'd be "right back." Then I went home. Six months later, I see him again. I apologize, and promise to take a picture later that night. Then I leave 10 minutes later. So LAST NIGHT I tell him "it's on" and hand him some free drink tickets. I got almost halfway home before I remembered. Thank god he was still stumbling around when I went back. What a hero.

Mullet says, "I had to chew my way through eight lesbians to get to the swan." He will receive a Cab Voucher and one DOTW T-shirt.