Drunk songs are like drunk people: alternately hilarious and pathetic, morose and surly, sweet and stinky. But the best drunk songs are like the best drunk lovers, sweeping you off your feet in a rush of drama and emotion, then leaving you in tears in a pile of broken glass and vomit. Here are five great selections from five smashed songsmiths.

1. "The King is Gone (So Are You)"
by George Jones
This list and 50 more like it could be filled with songs by the mighty Mr. Jones alone. After being dumped by his woman, George settles down for a night of hard drinking, pouring Jim Beam from a decanter that looks like Elvis into a "Fred Flintstone jellybean jar." Before long, George, Elvis, and Fred are dishing the dirt on love and ladies, and telling stories of "Graceland and Bedrock and such." As always, Jones' voice is a dream (and his liver is the eighth wonder of the world).

2. "What's the Use of Getting Sober (When You Gonna Get Drunk Again)?"
by Bubsy Meyers
A jazz standard, with an indelible version recorded by Louis Jordan. "I love my whiskey and I love my gin. Every time you see me I'm in my sin. What's the use of gettin' sober when you're gonna get drunk again?" Desperate alcoholic rationale never sounded so sweet.

3. "Gin & Juice"
by Snoop Doggy Dogg
On the surface, this '93 smash is your basic feel-good party jam, name-dropping Seagram's and celebrating the joys of drunk 'n' stoned driving. Underneath, it's a chilling portrait of booze in the 'hood, with Snoop and his fucked-up posse giving Guns N' Roses a run for their misogynist money by banging bitch after bitch, and then bootin' them out on their asses. Ugly shit, but still, it's got a good beat and you can dance to it.

4. "Technicolour Yawn"
by Fluffy
This list wouldn't be complete without a great drunk punk song, and this gem from Fluffy's Black Eye (1996) is tops. "Woke up in a bed of vomit," warbles Amanda, while the rest of Fluffy torture her hangover with noise. "I think I hate myself." No drinking song better captures that split-second realization of horror and shame that greets a binge drinker the morning after. "I lost my pink wig and I'm in Hell!"

5. "Here Comes a Regular"
by the Replacements
This squeaked in above my second choice for the Great Drunk Weeper (Randy Newman's "Marie"), mostly because of how incomparably pathetic it is. In "Marie," Newman paints a heartbreaking portrait of an abusive, alcoholic sap, but here Paul Westerberg goes a step further, capturing those drunks too far gone to have individual faces. Cry me a river, and pray for an intervention.

David Schmader gets dizzy over a Jack & Ginger.