As anyone who's seen Heavy Metal Parking Lot or This Is Spinal Tap can attest, metal stereotypes can be downright side splitting—it only makes sense that a cartoon based on the aforementioned stereotypes would inspire pants-wetting moments of hilarity. The brainchild of metal fans Brendon Small (creator of Home Movies) and Tommy Blacha (writer on Da Ali G Show and Late Night with Conan O'Brien), flash-animated series Metalocalypse follows the escapades of Dethklok, a dark-metal band who've risen to the status of "biggest band in the universe." As part of Cartoon Network's Adult Swim lineup, Dethklok have landed endorsement deals with Krank amps, Gibson guitars, EMG pickups, Line 6 gear—their song "Thunderhorse" even earned a coveted spot on the new Guitar Hero II game for PlayStation 2. Not bad for a cartoon band.

Dethklok comprise lead singer and hot-sauce creator Nathan Explosion; bassist and the king of self-loathing William Murderface; the first- and second-fastest guitarists in the world, Skwisgaar Skwigelf and Toki Wartooth; and drummer Pickles, the former frontman of Snakes 'n' Barrels. I've been granted rare access to the band for this exclusive interview, where we discuss how these lords of darkness spend the holiday season.

Happy holidays, Dethklok! You've written the first death-metal lullaby and an utterly savage coffee jingle. Have you given any thought to recording the most brutal Christmas record ever?

MURDERFACE: The only thoughts I think of are the final thoughts, right before the end.... Who cares?

TOKI: I only celebrates Baby Odin's birthday.

PICKLES: Maybe one day we could have a world without Christmas albums.

SKWISGAAR: I slaps all Christmas music in da face, real hard.

NATHAN: We've already recorded the biggest not-Christmas album, so what's the point?

Murderface, this year you had a near-death experience, experimented with Satanism, and discovered the joys of freeballing. What does 2007 have in store for you? Any plans to complete your long-awaited solo project, Planet Piss?

MURDERFACE: I plan to get fatter and more ugly. Planet Piss will definitely be on some kind of shelf in 2007.

Nathan, your girlfriend Rebecca is currently in a coma. What is the perfect Christmas gift for an unconscious loved one?

NATHAN: Oh, I got her a case of my favorite beer and a lot of things that I now know she would want me to enjoy because now she can't... you know... enjoy things.

Pickles, you're the former frontman of the infamous Snakes 'n' Barrels. Do you have any fond holiday memories with your former bandmates?

PICKLES: Yeah, I remember when they crybabied their way to Who Caresville and I skyrocketed to superstardom. That was a pretty good holiday memory. Oh, and they got me some socks.

Your performances in the film Blood Ocean were, ummm, staggering. Will we be seeing you on the big screen again?

MURDERFACE: As soon as I get my third chin chopped down.

TOKI: Oh man, I gonna field lotsa offers and have a buncha stupid lunches and laugh at all the stupidheads. Hah!

PICKLES: I'm gonna get a big screen door so you can look at me through that.

NATHAN: Aw, a huge screen door would be awesome!

SKWISGAAR: Yeah, there's too much glass in all dese doors.

Being the richest, most famous band in the universe, you want for nothing. Aside from laser pointers, codpieces, and being asked back to host next year's American Pornography Awards, what could Dethklok possibly desire for Christmas?

MURDERFACE: Black snow.

SKWISGAAR: Black wind.

PICKLES: Black Santa. Like brutal, not like African American. Although that would be cool.

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NATHAN: That would be incredible!

TOKI: Maybe Santa get lost and have to eat his reindeer and then get found and he be too fat to live and then he die—a new classic!