We Regret These Errors

We Regret These Errors

Sorrowful Remorse

From the Desk of the Enumclaw Horse

From the Desk of Katie Holmes's Fetus

Dept. of Corrections

I Regret Not Killing Benjamin Colton Barnes Before He Got to That Park Ranger

I Regret Those Girls in Roslyn

I Regret Republicans Giving Me a Bad Name

I Regret That Señor Romney Lost the Election

We Regret These Errors.

We Regret These Erors

From the Desk of Michael Jackson

I Regret Being Consigned to Eternal Damnation with the Guy Who Drew The Family Circus

I Regret Not Taking Out Lance Armstrong

We Regret Mentioning Suicide, Publishing Essays about Suicide, and Placing Visual Depictions of Suicide on Our Cover

I Regret Nothing

From the Desk of J. Edgar Hoover

We Wish to Announce Several Regrets (We Wish to Announce Several Regrets)

What You Think About When You Think About Chile

I Regret What's Happening to This City

That Sculpture Is a Stain on Our Reputation

I Regret Not Being Considered Food and Offer, for Your Enjoyment, This Recipe

A Guide to the Jokes in This Issue for the Staff of Gawker

Please Allow Me to Set the Record Straight

I Regret Rehab

I Regret that Pit Bulls Find My Face So Delicious

I Regret Macklemore's Tweets

I Regret Killing All-Ages Music

We Regret We’re So Dumb

Hello, Seattle! Glad you could include me in your regrets issue. Six weeks in Tahiti has really given me some time to reflect on what happened with the monorail, and, more importantly, my role... Hang on one sec. Um, I believe I ordered a coconut daiquiri, not strawberry? And can I get an umbrella in it? No, no, not a problem.

Okay. Where were we? Ah, yes—the monorail. Yeah, yeah, $11 billion, I know, I know. But you know what? I went to Stanford. I understand debt service. I understand how the bond market works. The P-I doesn't, the public doesn't—that's okay. If people don't understand how year-of-expenditure dollars work, that's the way it is. I can be the bad guy... Hold on. Sure, honey, I'd love some more suntan oil. Let me just roll over and...

Anyway, I don't want to bore you with this stuff. Great project. I had a great time. I'm trying to think of what I regret. A lot of people blame the mayor or the board for screwing things up, but I was the director and as the saying goes, the buck stops... What's that? Oh, my three o'clock hot-rock massage! Missed my hot-rock massage appointment yesterday. That's what I regret. Ahhhhhhhh... So, yeah. Gotta run. Wish you were here!