As the popularity of video games grows, and their influence starts setting off warning flares among the moral scolds of the world, so-called "Christian" games are becoming more prevalent. Case in point: The Bible Game (dev. Crave), which continues the Christian Right's awe-inspiring streak of countering material deemed objectionable with absolutely lame-ass entertainment. Not so much a video game as a showcase for biblical erudition—a game for the home-schooled set—the game's setup is as lazy as it is uninspired: Via a biblical game show—think Jeopardy!, subtract any and all coolness—computer-animated youngsters test their knowledge of the Almighty, earning points and, one assumes, God's good favor. Breaking up this monotony are mini-games, most of which lean heavily upon Simon-inspired pattern recognition and do little more than snap the player, however briefly, from the coma-like state the game is sure to inflict. It's a not-so-well-kept secret that many video-game players are potheads; The Bible Game, with its 700 Club–friendly theme, cheap graphics, and overall disdain for player intelligence is bland enough to kill the buzzes of both Cheech and Chong. And sober players won't fare much better.

Thankfully, the same can't be said for Black (dev. Criterion Studios), which works as a fine antidote for The Bible Game's terminal harmlessness. Described as "gun porn"—a fitting label given the sheer amount of firepower the game dishes out—Black has little patience for the post-Halo first-person tropes, offering instead much bang and even more boom. You play as... some guy (I can't really remember just who he is, or what his deal is, and to be honest it doesn't really matter anyway) whose job is to dismantle various locales with a vast array of Lockheed Martin delectables. Enhancing all the gunplay is some of the best scenery destruction ever to make its way onto consoles; everything in Black—walls, windows, even entire buildings—can be obliterated by your arsenal, and when the game hits its stride the results are often overwhelming.

As pretty as the game is, though, it's in the gameplay that Black squanders much of its promise. So much attention has been paid to the game's polish that it's all surface and no soil. Leveling an entire building with an RPG missile is indisputable fun, but without an engaging story to wrap around, and justify, all the game's violence, the experience of playing Black is painfully empty. Worst of all is Criterion's choice of story delivery (what little there is to deliver), which relies on shamefully bad live-action snippets that look like they were directed by Tony Scott on a really bad crack high. The clips—which have the unpardonable sin of not being able to be skipped past—manage to grind what little flow the game musters. Still, unlike The Bible Game, Black manages to at least be fun for a while—until the high wears off.