...the online store that offers Earth´s biggest selection of books, music, and video, as well as our very popular online auction, is pleased to provide our customers with three exciting new services!

CYBER-ORDER BRIDES: That's right! Lonely bachelors can now obtain a beautiful bride just as easily as they can get the latest John Grisham! Literally thousands of gorgeous, docile brides from such exotic locales as Thailand, Siberia, and Tonga are eager to meet you--like our featured Bride of the Month, Katya, from the former Soviet Republic.

Meet Katya and many more like her at amazon.brides.com.

DEAD CELEBRITY SPERM: Join the hundreds of proud, satisfied parents who conceived their children "online," using our vast selection of Dead Celebrity Sperm. That's correct--actual sperm from actual dead celebrities, such as poet Allen Ginsberg, film director Stanley Kubrick, and our featured Dead Celebrity Sperm Donor for the month of June, funnyman Chris Farley.

Peruse our vault of dead celebrity sperm at amazon.deadcelebritysperm.com.

EXPIRED MEATS: There's nothing wrong with them!* Delicious steaks, hams, and sausages, packed in dry ice and shipped overnight to enjoy for dinner tomorrow-- at low, low prices you won't find at the grocer's! Check out this month's featured selection, Rib Steak.

*Amazon.com guarantees: You won't get sick!

Order some today at amazon.expiredmeat.com.