You fucking suck. Do you really think that "communicating with fishes" is helpful to anyone on dry land? It's not. Bending steel and rescuing girls who fall off buildings is helpful. Maybe if I ever need help cleaning the shit out of my swimming pool drain, I'll call you.

Tom O'Brian

Dear Tom,

I'll admit communicating with sea life isn't the most glamorous of powers, but isn't it more important to use the skills you have for the common good? And speaking of helping others, I would really like it if people focused on sending me their problems rather than obsessing on my status as a superhero.

Dear Aquaman,

I read somewhere you have a sidekick named "Aqualad." Are you gay, or what?

Samantha Hart

Samantha,

What? No, I'm not gay! Aqualad is my ward -- actually he's an exiled prince, whom I've taken into my care -- but what is it anyway with people accusing heroes and their sidekicks of being gay? Can't a man and a boy fight crime together without everyone jumping to conclusions? Aqualad is my "chum," just like Tonto is to the Lone Ranger or Superboy is to Superman. And nobody ever accuses them of being gay! Now, can we please just drop it?

Do YOU need advice from Aquaman? Send your question to "Ask Aquaman," c/o The Stranger, 1535 11th Ave., 3rd Floor, Seattle, WA, 98122 or e-mail us at aquaman@thestranger.com.