Whoever decided to stream every March Madness game online for free—thank you thank you thank you. Sure, you might have to watch the same two ads 35 times a game, leading you to ask yourself the same two questions 35 times—why are Vikings trying to sell me a credit card? Applebee's is still a place?—but because of you, we can smoke and watch hours of sports without leaving bed.

Now that the final weekend is upon us and the teams you chose to win are out (thanks a lot, Ohio State), it is time to choose a new team and pretend you've been cheering for them all March. But which team? Your options:

UConn

Since Jimmer Fredette is out of the tournament, UConn's Kemba Walker is the only player left with a weird enough name to be known just for that. Like Jimmer, Kemba is an all-star, averaging 24 points a game this season. Plus, Kemba is just so fun to say. Try it.

UK

Kentucky has a group of electrifying big men, the sharpshooter Brandon Knight, and a fan base unafraid of blue body paint. Picture Tobias Funke with slightly longer cut-off jeans. Now picture a stadium packed with Tobias Funkes. Is that the kind of fan you want to be? Me neither.

Butler

If God were real, he would want Butler as a son. In four games, they have produced three miracle wins. Their game against Pitt was all but over when a Pitt player fouled a Butler player. In a tie game... with 0.8 seconds left... 92 FEET FROM THE BASKET. A basketball court is only 94 feet long. And their game against Florida? Inexplicable.

VCU

In a tournament where teams are awarded seeds of 1 to 16 based on performance, double- digit seeds are generally out in the first weekend. VCU is an 11 seed. Their victory over number-1-seeded Kansas last weekend was punctuated by the noise of a bunch of math majors' heads exploding. This weekend, their seed will be the highest thing not named Frank Basquiat.

Because I love underdogs, VCU is the bandwagon I will be jumping on. Not literally, of course, as I have no intention of leaving the horizontal position. All I need now is a live-in butler and a catheter and a dealer who delivers. FRANK BASQUIAT

It's halfway through the March 25 match against the Houston Dynamo, and 36,204 Sounders fans at Qwest Field are losing their minds, grabbing their faces, screaming at the sky. "Houston SUCKS! What the hell is going on? They're so bad," one shouts after Houston scores in the 42nd minute. "We're going to be lucky if we tie. We can't even score. We're losing at home. AT HOME." In the 70th minute, a friend says, "I have this feeling, like, we're just never going to score." I get up to take a leak and hear an announcer say through bathroom speakers that it's "255 minutes into the season and we have yet to see a goal by the Seattle Sounders, and I have no idea why that has happened."

Two minutes later, I'm at a concession stand watching Sounders midfielder Erik Friberg standing there on the field on the TV next to the popcorn maker when an explosion cracks through the air—BAM! BAM! BAM! My first thought is al Qaeda, because Friberg is still just standing there on the TV. Then it's clear there's a delay on the TV and the concession staff turns around to watch the Sounders' first goal of the season, by Steve Zakuani, followed by fireworks. We end in a draw, 1–1, that's still kind of a loss, according to general consensus. "That was a loss, dude," one fan muttered on his way out. "A one-on-one tie against Houston at home is a loss." CHRISTOPHER FRIZZELLE

The city says it will issue a permit for Seattle Hempfest, the annual weed hoedown and baseball cap fair, thereby setting aside concerns that the event would be canceled to accommodate a waterfront construction project. Hempfest is expanding from a two-day show to a three-day run August 19–21. ... In Olympia, every member of the Seattle legislative delegation—from the 34th, 36th, 37th, 43rd, and 46th Districts—went on the record to say that they support taxing, regulating, and legalizing marijuana. ... Steve, who was in the University District on Saturday, got baked and made a record four trips to the all-you-can-eat Indian buffet. “Man, that butter chicken is insane,” he says. DOMINIC HOLDEN