We Regret These Errors

We Regret These Errors

Sorrowful Remorse

From the Desk of the Enumclaw Horse

From the Desk of Katie Holmes's Fetus

From the Desk of Former Monorail Director Joel Horn

Dept. of Corrections

I Regret Not Killing Benjamin Colton Barnes Before He Got to That Park Ranger

I Regret Those Girls in Roslyn

I Regret Republicans Giving Me a Bad Name

I Regret That Señor Romney Lost the Election

We Regret These Errors.

We Regret These Erors

From the Desk of Michael Jackson

I Regret Being Consigned to Eternal Damnation with the Guy Who Drew The Family Circus

I Regret Not Taking Out Lance Armstrong

We Regret Mentioning Suicide, Publishing Essays about Suicide, and Placing Visual Depictions of Suicide on Our Cover

I Regret Nothing

From the Desk of J. Edgar Hoover

We Wish to Announce Several Regrets (We Wish to Announce Several Regrets)

What You Think About When You Think About Chile

I Regret What's Happening to This City

That Sculpture Is a Stain on Our Reputation

I Regret Not Being Considered Food and Offer, for Your Enjoyment, This Recipe

A Guide to the Jokes in This Issue for the Staff of Gawker

Please Allow Me to Set the Record Straight

I Regret Rehab

I Regret that Pit Bulls Find My Face So Delicious

I Regret Macklemore's Tweets

I Regret Killing All-Ages Music

Let me tell you something, mister. My great-great-grandfather started this company with a three-wheeled wagon, one half-rotten bulb, and a dream. A dream to provide the American public with delicious, high-quality, farm-fresh leeks—from our fields to your table without all the lies, the secrets, and the cover-ups that you get from those leek-industry fat cats. Wicky's leeks have seasoned the soups of presidents and visiting dignitaries. Wicky's leeks were the official leek of the Apollo 11 moon mission. Joe DiMaggio, the Yankee Clipper, ate Wicky's leeks before every game. And what do I get for the Wicky family's years of dedication to honest, transparent, ethical leek distribution? LOCKED UP, THAT'S WHAT. Now, I have no idea what y'all are talking about—I've never even been to Sweden, let alone taken liberties with any gals over there—and I sure don't know nothin' about treason. Please, I just want to get back to doing what I do best, which is making sure my leeks reach as many men, women, and children as possible. If you value freedom, if you believe in the principles of liberty, equality, and potato soup upon which this great nation stands, please set me free. Keep WickyLeeks alive. recommended