SQUARE! AT RE-BAR
Tonight we invade Re-bar for the premiere of an original night thunked up by the beautiful brains of the stunning Stella Rose Saint Claire and something called a "Nark," et al. It's called "Square!" It's a "Mock Hop" (hardee, har), and the theme is basically Hairspray—the 1988 John Waters, not the 2002-ish Broadway reboot, they'll have you know. (I'm not quite so certain of the difference.) Dress the theme! Or they'll slap you in the face! Re-bar, 10 pm, $5–$7, 21+.
INFERNO AT THE HISTORIC UNIVERSITY THEATER
Closing weekend of this most strange and gay improv cabaret, staged in hell. Devils! Drag queens! Sin, sin, SIN! It's been running all summer—and this is your last damn chance. Historic University Theater, 8 pm, $10, all ages!
Rock the Block! Karaoke At ANNEX THEATRE
It's an event tailor-made for hot theater geeks and adorable wannabe indie-pop fags. Hosted by the inimitably charming and beautiful Ade! (I'm giving away tickets on thestranger.com/lineout the day of show! Log on to win, win, WIN!) Can you out-sing the Capitol Hill Block Party? Annex Theatre, 8 pm, $5, 21+.
THE TINIEST TEA DANCE AT PONY
Hide from the Lord with DJs El Toro and Freddy, a sunny deck, and unquenchable male beauty. Pony, 4 pm, free, 21+. ADRIAN RYAN
Assert your gayness to adrian@ thestranger.com.