Fri 7/30

GUILTY PLEASURES AT RE-BAR

And so! Again we are clutched in the merciless, iron-fisted scorch of the July-becomes-August Summer Dead Zone, in which even the most addicted club- hoppers and homo-social-scenesters emerge blinking from their barholes to squint in terrified wonder upon the alleged "sun." (Not me, mind you, please: The Gods of Light have been super pissed at me for, like, fucking ever.) Party throwers, drag queens, DJs, MCs, and other magical greasers of the gears of this, the nightlife we call gay, power down, skitter off to their heavily curtained apartments to flip through VIBE, bitch about no air-conditioning, and plot. (At least the gay ones do. Don't ASK me what the straight ones do, I couldn't tell you.) Ergo, zero big, glittery, überthemed club events on The Hill this week. It's quiet. Creepy. Fortunately, the famous Rat City Rollergirls have rushed in to fill the void with a high-energy, sexy-girl-powered DJ night of music you are embarrassed to love. ("Think Rick Astley," they tell me. I cut da bitch who disses Rick Astley.) They're like a big squirt of girl-power, right in your face! Re-bar, 10 pm, $5–$7, 21+.

Sat 7/31

GIRL4GIRL AT SWANK

An adventure! In ladies! And isn't it nice to get off the damn Hill once in a while? Of course not! But the grrrls in the know tell me that this is the lipstick-lesbian (as 't were) dance party to beat. (My good friendbian "Alix" gets laid at this event every time. Quality laid, mind you.) DJ Lady Jane spinning. Swank, 24437 Russell Rd, Kent, 9 pm, $5, 21+.

Mon 8/2

COBRA AT CENTRAL CINEMA

Support The Stranger

One of my life's gayest joys: BadMovieArt's Jason Miller chooses a fantastically horrible movie and hilariously kicks the sweet Jesus out of it while I enjoy hot dogs and wine. Cobra stars Brigitte Nielsen and something called a "Sylvester Stalone." Hold me! Central Cinema, 9:30 pm, $7, 21+.

Assert your gayness to adrian@thestranger.com