Dear discourteous compline attendees: Why the fuck are you even here? The compline service is 30 fucking minutes long. Thirty minutes out of the week for contemplation—silent contemplation. Can you really not keep your mouth shut for that long? Or silence your phone? Or stop texting? Those are pretty basic guidelines for behavior that most of us would take as a given. If you can't meet those guidelines, you really shouldn't be here. All you are doing is embarrassing yourselves and poisoning the experience for everyone around you. Just stay the fuck at home. Amen.

—Anonymous