We dated for a bit, then you flaked out. That's fine; I even agreed to remain friends. Didn't hear from you for months, then... holy shit! Out of the fucking blue you send an e-mail, nonchalantly asking if I'd mind having a three-way with you and your skanky new girlfriend! An E-MAIL, for chrissakes! ARE YOU COMPLETELY RETARDED?! Did you honestly think I wouldn't forward it to everyone I know? "I'd never invite you if I didn't think it would be good." Really. You have such selfless concern for me! "I promise you it would be nice, and not uncomfortable." (Maybe in your masturbatory fantasies.) "We could make a night of it, like a date!" I'm curious, do you expect me to chip in, or are you going to cover the tab? Being in a band doesn't make you a rock star, you know, especially considering your fan base of like, ten. My answer to your proposal is HELL NO! Not until you're a rock star!

--Anonymous