Have your feet started to itch? Maybe stink more than usual? As it turns out, I have a particularly strong form of foot fungus that my podiatrist says is medicine-resistant. Oh, did I mention it's contagious? My feet stink so badly that once at a party my friends poured brandy into my shoes and put them out on the porch. Are there any white, round spots on your feet yet? These are the beginnings of plantar warts--big, nasty, painful warts with holes in the top. I have to get them burned off every six weeks or they get too painful to walk on. These warts are caused by a virus, by the way, and it's highly contagious as well. I have the most fucked-up feet you'll ever see, and soon, shoe-thief--so will YOU! MWA-HA-HA-HA!