Hey, assholes: When I'm walking around all morning with a big piece of light-green chewing gum stuck to the front of my sunglasses, feel free to help a girl out. Hey, barista—don't just turn your eyes away from me like I'm a leper with my shirt on backward. Use your words: "Hey, hon, you have a big wad of chewing gum stuck to the front of your face." Hey, bus driver! I blame you, too—you saw the big wad of green and let me stroll to the back of the bus like an asshole. Hey, guy sitting next to me on the bus! I saw you do a double take on me—so not only did you make me feel like an asshole for thinking you were flirting with me, you let me walk into work and say hi to myboss with a big wad of gum on my glasses. Thanks a lot, ass-holes.