You know, meeting you was cool. Going out was okay. I was even diggin' you for a while... but then IT happened. That totally sick, tongue-down-the-throat, slobbery, fucking gross "first kiss." We will NOT do this again... EVER. That one "kiss" was nasty and bad on so many levels. Like, how about ah, oh... respect?! Is this how you'd want some jerk-off to kiss your sister or mom or DAUGHTER? And how about learning HOW to kiss? Oh my GOD... Ever hear of a tender, sexy kiss? Obviously not! Also—I don't even know you! You might have had five inches of plaque and shit on your teeth and tongue and bloody, pus-seeping, stinking gums. Barf! Please keep in mind that periodontal disease can be transmitted through kissing. So, Gene Simmons, keep your disgusting, bacteria-covered tongue out of my throat... AND NEVER, EVER CALL ME AGAIN.

—Anonymous