I somehow stumbled across you at that magical moment when all 10 of the night's cocktails kicked in and I was unable to really stand or comprehend spoken English. It was the perfect symphony of extreme intoxication, lack of more acceptable booty calls, and the sort of bad weather that makes you want to seek refuge after closing time that made inviting you back to my place seem like a fantastic idea. I was slightly less enchanted the next morning, when I begged you to leave unnoticed and refused to offer you my actual name and phone number. By the way, smooth move finding my phone and using it to call your own phone. Needless to say, I hope to never have another run-in with you as long as I live. But I do have to give you special thanks. Why? I thought I had seen it all when it came to flagrant disregarding of one-night-stand protocol, but you proved me wrong. It felt awesome to explain to the friendly police officer who came around knocking today why my neighbors reported a strange and totally naked man staring in their window from my patio and masturbating at dawn's first light. Honestly it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life; the friendly officer even threw in a lecture on personal safety and good decision making. I am now stuck living here. If only I could have stuck you with some form of VD! Oh, to dare to dream!