To submit an unsigned confession or accusation go to Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty. One submission will be published in the paper every week, but all submissions to I, Anonymous can be read at

You fart-faced, saggy-nippled, floppy-assed piece of spew-sucking scum. You are garbage wrapped in skin. You are a walking infection and I wish I could disown you like your parents. You need to leave this city, maybe even this continent, unless you want to get a face full of brass knuckles and a mouth full of hairy bum balls. In other words, if you ever come near me again I will turn you into a quad-amputee and beat you with your own severed limbs. It's not enough that you are an awful, smelly, irritating waste of tweaked-out space—you are a rapist. You don't know shit about "peace and love." Being on crack doesn't make you a hippie, and yes, you did "do something to someone at some point without knowing about it." The universe will get you back in many more ways than just depriving you of beer for a night, believe me. No one will ever love you, so I suggest you just get a life and die.