You are a smart, wonderful girl. You are incredibly attractive. You've got one of the hottest bodies I've ever had the privilege of fucking. And you're dirty in all the fun ways. However, you destroyed my place. You were drunk when you came over (again), and then drank straight vodka out of the bottle, even after I said it wasn't a good idea. Then, after saying that you were too drunk and I wouldn't be getting any, you tried to get into my bed and then vomited on me. And my pillows. And my brand-new comforter. And my dog. And my fucking sock drawer. Then we washed you off in the shower. Then you fell down in my living room, destroyed my coffee table, and puked again. Then you wouldn't let me sleep and woke me up four times, thus making me very late for work the next morning, not to mention that we had to drive around my neighborhood for half an hour because you couldn't remember where you parked.

I have nothing against drinking a lot. I do it. I'm in Seattle. But I do ask people be responsible and be able to hold their liquor. I can't believe I had to wash mashed potatoes out of your hair for you.