As a socialist, I have no real reason to want to shake John McCain's hand, but I can and so I will. As a douche, you have no real reason to live, but you can and, to the entire universe's dismay, you do. We were both waiting at the Westin ballroom for McCain to pass us. I wasn't in your way. You weren't in my way. Everything was cool. But somehow you detected my liberalism and wanted to kill me off like Islam and every American's right to privacy. What did you do? You shoved me. You pushed your cheap camera into my face. You called me a bitch. Okay, so maybe I threw my left elbow into your hardened silicone breast, but you deserved that. Your war of terror didn't deter me in the least. McCain shook my hand, and then he took one look at your face, which is remarkably ugly even for a conservative, and moved on. Maybe he'll make decent decisions as commander in chief after all. Also, you really should replace your implants. My elbow still hurts. Godspeed, universal health care.