To all you sugar-free, dairy-free, wheat-free fake celiacs from South Beach, please stop coming to my cafe. I know it's trendy in Seattle to be healthy, and even trendier to be gluten-free, but don't come to a fucking sandwich and crepe shop and expect us to have multiple options for you. When I ask, "Are you allergic or are you wheat-free by choice?" don't be a smart-ass and ask me, "Does it matter?" YES, IT FUCKING MATTERS! YOU CAN DIE! We had one customer who carried an EpiPen around with him, he was that allergic to wheat. It was a pain in the ass trying to find something for him to eat, but he's lived with the allergy all his life and was not even half as entitled and narcissistic as all you health freaks. I'm sorry our crepes are made out of flour and our wheat bread is full of wheat, but I don't know what you were expecting. Also, stop giving me shitty tips because we don't have anything that works for your self-inflicted diet. I'm just a fucking waitress and have no control over the menu. Go find a PCC. The employees there are better trained to deal with your bullshit.

Day In • Day Out returns this summer, August 12th thru 14th!
Featuring The National, Mitski, Mac DeMarco and more! Full lineup and tickets at