Me: invited you to stay in my home, lugged one of your huge-ass suitcases up four flights of stairs, made you breakfast with the toast cut diagonally (complete with assorted jams and cheeses), left you a map of the city, invited you to cocktails, showed you great restaurants.

You: left your dishes in the sink (I don't have a maid, so I don't know who you thought was going to wash them other than me); ate all of the chocolate chip cookies except one, which you left in the box; ate all of the Oreo cookies except one, which you left in the box; ate all of the Doritos except for those tiny crumbs in the bottom of the bag that you have to pour into your mouth because you can't grab them with your fingers; rather than doing the number two in one of the many bars and restaurants we visited, you waited until we got home to dump a huge one in the bathroom that adjoins my bedroom right as I was about to go to sleep; put the water jar back into the fridge with no water in it; seemed annoyed when I didn't offer to help you out with your huge-ass suitcase when you left.

—Anonymous