Okay, between the two of you there is so much hair, it is ridiculous. You, my male roommate, look like a magician, and you don't even do magic. You, my male roommate's girlfriend, have hair just like my roommate. No wonder the hair in the drain has increased since you two started dating.

Worse are the noises that are constantly coming from the room opposite mine. I once stepped, during a nightly visit to the washroom, in what I discovered to be "emotion lotion"--and it made my foot REALLY hot. I LOVE sex just like the next guy, and in fact, I normally love hearing people having sex. But not you guys. It revolts me in every way possible. Then the showering afterwards, with more sex, and then the brushing your teeth together thing after that--it makes me nauseated. I would rather eat spaghetti out of a colostomy bag than listen to the two of you. Take a break, go to the salon, and do something about those Yanni hairstyles. Whilst you're away, I will watch your anal/interracial porn tapes that are typically reserved for when you guys are at home... which would be ALWAYS.

--Anonymous